Friday, December 14, 2012

Merry Christmas!!!

So as a nod to readers, and well a shameful way to promote my book I have a coupon.

Promotional price: $2.00
Coupon Code: XT76B
Expires: February 14, 2013

It will only last for a couple of months, but it will drop the price of the book substantially, 75% off to be exact. Pass it around if you'd like to, the great thing about Smashwords is it keeps track of your numbers.

Merry Christmas!!!

Oh and as an added bonus the wonderful dude I found online that resembles the image of Duncan in my head has tons of pics on Lucky for you I've got a christmas surprise of the visual kind.

Your Welcome!

Sunday, December 9, 2012

The holiday season is here.....

......and boy did it sneak up on me.

Last month I attempted nanowrimo, and that was a disaster. I think I wrote a little over five thousand words........oh thats only like 90 percent short of my actual goal. So disaster is the best word I can use to describe my failure. Granted my now four year old had a birthday, and thanksgiving and all. But other writers met their goals with just as many if not more obstacles.....eeeeek.

But I'm not going to let it get to me. Life happens. Whatever.

The time for christmas caroles, too much chocolate, and droves of shoppers is here. I'm not sure how I feel about christmas this year, without grandma its like a permanent hole took residence inside my chest. I hate it. That whole it takes time crap isn't helpful either, so I'll be better in a few months or a year, but what about now?

How do I take my kids to see christmas lights without her?

How do I make christmas candy and watch our favorite christmas movie?

I hate this. I hate the pain and the emptiness and the fact that I think about her all day every day. Time will heal me some day......but what if someday never comes?

So I'm Debbie downing it a bit, I should probably have some "special" egg nog and snap out of it. Christmas time is here..........

Merry F**king Christmas!

Saturday, November 10, 2012

Place Profile: Lyle's Bar

Inspiration for Lyles Bar:

Place: Lyle's Bar
Location: Grey Lake, Yosemite California
Amenities: Bar/Restaurant, General Store, Boat Rental, and dock.
Price: $$-$$$ depending on your needs.
Best Beer: Apple
Best Food: Lyle's Burger


"Tables sat scattered throughout the room with booths along the line of windows. A solid brick wall separated the grocery store part of Lyles, from the restaurant and bar. It didn’t have a very good lake view but it was one of a few businesses located on the south side of the lake."----Lorelei Preston The Wild Hunt

"The worn floors and beat up countertops were like rings on a tree trunk, every scuff was a memory, every stain a smiling friend. Lyle let the customers and tourists write their names on the walls and ceiling, which gave it a certain country redneck feeling. I took a deep breath and the warm scent of yeast filled my senses. This was what comfort smelled like." ----Lorelei Preston The Wild Hunt

"Three months out of the year, Lyles closed down. From November to February, the south side of the lake was a ghost town. "----Lorelei Preston The Wild Hunt

Fire at Local Bar

On the evening of June 14th, a fire started at the popular bar Lyles, owned by Grey Lake resident Lyle Schroeder. The Sheriff and Fire Department were called to the scene at 9:37 p.m. No one was injured but the bar and some personal property were damaged. The Fire Department was unable to give a statement as to the cause of the fire. A witness said they overheard a conversation suggesting Arson. It was also suggested that the bar was not the target of the arsonist, but a casualty. Whether it was a personal vendetta, or the actions of a crazy person, we do not know. Pinecresthotline.

"He ran a hand across his face. “I don’t know what to think. My bar, hell I don’t know what I’d do without it. It’s been my life for so long. I wouldn’t be me without my bar, God that sounds sad, but it’s true. Who wants to hurt you Lo?” Lyle turned and crossed his arms over his chest, his eyes searching my face." -----Lyle Schroeder The Wild Hunt

Friday, November 2, 2012

Shhhhttt happens....

I never thought that after four years of slaving away, of burying myself in a world I created, that I'd be numb to the fact that I'd actually published. WOW. Its strange how things change. I never thought the world would still be standing without my grandma in it. She was like the stars in the sky, there, even when you couldn't see her.

She has moved on to a different place. Somewhere without fear or pain, and that is good. What's left, the anger, the sadness, its overwhelming and all consuming. You never realize how much you love a person until they are gone.

I'm going to take a page from Lorelei's story and toughen up. People die, we're born into a world we know we won't always live in. Death is definite. We will all journey towards our end, on different time scales, most of us unaware of the ticking. It's the loss of a loved one that reminds us.

The book is out there. I'll post links, and probably try to keep up with it. But it's hard when I'm mourning my grandma, to care about anything that isn't at the bottom of a bottle, or the comfort of my couch. I'll be fine, but for a little while, I think, I'll take a break, and fall a little apart.

Saturday, October 20, 2012

When it rains.......

It pours.

Due to a family tragedy, my book may or may not be out on October 31st. Death it seems doesn't care much for deadlines and plans. It happens to everyone, even those we never see it taking.

I'm trying not to be pathetic and feel sorry for myself, but no matter what I do it seems to happen anyways. I just wish that I wasn't so angry. Anger is the emotion of the moment. I'm mad at God, the doctors, the nurses, everybody and everything. I'm mad and I don't know how to let go of it. I know its all a part of the grieving process but somehow knowing doesn't make it any easier, it just makes me mad. Mad at everything.

I hope the book makes it out there, at the moment, it doesn't feel like anything is possible. My time is warped and frozen. We're all holding our breath waiting for a miracle we know isn't going to happen. Time has stopped, and at the same time its speeding by in a blurry un-graspable surge. Slipping through my fingers, every breath and every moment is too fast to hold on to. Pretty soon there will be no more breaths, no more moments....just endless time without that person.

I love you grandma. No amount of time is enough, it's all borrowed. I'm going to breath in and out and hope that the anger leaves me, and that someday, my dream of being a writer, comes true.

Monday, October 15, 2012

No more moving.

Moving sucks. It sucks more than editing, polishing dialogue, checking word repetition, you get the picture............moving SUCKS.

It sucks not only because it takes time, but because it takes so MUCH time. I was supposed to be done moving weeks ago. I was supposed to do this leisurely. Who was I kidding. I'm done just in time to stress out about the book.

The book. Did I forget about it. NO. But working on promotion and marketing took a standstill. I had no Internet for a number of weeks. Not that I had any free time, not while moving. I refuse to ever move again. I'm setting down roots. They'll have to drag me away kicking and screaming. Holy Hell moving sucks.

My garage is full of boxes, my office is non-existent I haven't even attempted to hook up my desktop. I just can't seem to care yet there's too much to do, and not enough time. My grandma just so happens to be doing badly as well. It's just a very stressful time, so forgive me if I pity party it up and whine a little.........or a lot. I'll try to keep the nauseating poor me to a minimum. In short I'm back, to promote and beg readers to read my story. I don't even think I care so much that people love it. I just want people to read it. Loving it, is the perk, the ultimate christmas gift. I think writers are just lucky people take time out of their lives to read their work. Wanting people to love it, just seems like too much to ask.

Well I've droned on long enough. I have a pumpkin roll to finish.

Friday, September 28, 2012


Instead of being a vigilant promoter of my book (as I should be). I have been moving....ugh. Moving is not fun. It's even less fun when your honey is working 14 hour days 7 days a week. In short, I'M moving, with only help from my mom and brother on occasion. I'm not saying that I'm not grateful for their help I am, it's just, the honey lives here, understands what goes where etc. It's just faster if he were around, but alas he's working.

Long blog story short, I'll be back in a bit. When this torturous thing called moving is over. I swear there needs to be a law that stops my mom and I from moving within the same year. Seriously, it's great having a new pretty place, but cleaning, packing, and painting, is about as much fun as beating my head against the wall. Don't move people, it sucks.

Monday, September 17, 2012

Character Profile: Duncan Benandanti

Duncan Benandanti

1. Name: Duncan Benandanti
2. Age: 27
3. Hair: Brown
4. Eyes: Pale ass blue/silver
5. Build: Athletic/fit
6. Height: 6'3'
7. Personality: Dry humor, serious, cautious
8. Likes: Mouthy blonds, arguing, motorcycles, running, honesty.
9. Dislikes: Mouthy blonds, being wrong, liars, fighting.
10. Music: NIN, Tool, AC/DC, Motley Crue, rock.
11. Movies: Fight Club, Memento, The Signal, The Hills have Eyes.
12. Actor whom my character resembles: Brant Daugherty
13. Clothes: Jeans, shirts optional.
14. Job: Mechanic/part-owner at Custom E Bikes.
15. Song: "The Hollow" A Perfect Circle

Duncan's Song "The Hollow" A Perfect Circle
Duncan's Words
“I was just making an observation. You know if you muzzled your mouth you’d be more attractive.”
“What do you want from me Duncan?” My breath caught in my throat when he licked his lips and swallowed hard. 
“I don’t know everything and nothing. I feel like you’re this giant flame that I can’t get away from. I fight the pull; I try as hard as I can to move in the other direction but something keeps bringing me back. I left town hoping I’d never come back here, but here I am. I guess I’m sick of fighting it. I’m willing to take the chance of burning up the question is, are you?”

 “Look, Lo, we live in different worlds, mine has rules you’ll never understand, Brody crossed a line. I had to punish him, the things he’s capable of, you wouldn’t believe. Just know that despite the violence of my world, it is for a reason. I’m not a monster. I’m not even a bad man, I’m just doing the best I can for my kinsmen.”

“Why are we at your house?” Duncan’s voice was gruff but he didn’t slur.
“You’re drunk, and I guess I’m rescuing you.”
“I don’t need rescuing.” He said.
“Right, I guess I should just drop you and let you sleep on my front step.” I mocked him.
Duncan grunted and I opened the door and led him to the couch.
“What I’m not good enough for the bed?”
I muttered but didn’t respond.
“I get it. I’m not hot enough for you.” He smiled crookedly and I had to fight back a laugh.
At the moment, he was about as hot as a drunk who smelled like vomit could be.
“You want the truth?”
Duncan laid back and put his feet on the arm of the couch.
“Yes, no, I don’t know.” He said.
“I think you’re the hottest guy I’ve ever met, but I’ve seen you throw up, you smell, and you’re drunk.” I said.
He reached out a hand and brushed my face.
“You’re beautiful. I hate you a little right now.”


Sunday, September 16, 2012

Character Profile: Lorelei Preston

I will be borrowing from the Meet The Character's page on The Wild Hunt Series blog, and adding a few little extras for fun.

Lorelei Preston

1. Name: Lo Preston
2. Age: 23
3. Hair: Wavy Dirty blond multiply the dirty!
4. Eyes: Hazel
5. Build: Slender-ish
6. Height: 5'5
7. Personality: Obnoxious/sarcastic/smart ass
8. Likes: Grey goose vodka, hot boys, motorcycles, greasy food, knives, poetry.
9. Dislikes: Swimming, boys with names, crying.
10. Music: Rock, folk/acoustic,
11. Movies: Usual Suspects, Boondock Saints
12. Actress whom my character resembles: Amber Heard, now imagine her with darker blond hair more eyeliner, a cigarette, and a few scars.
13. Clothes: Shorts, tee, and always boots
14. Job: Waitress Lyles, Clerk at Gideon's Attic.
15. Song: "The Slow Drug" Pj Harvey

Lo's song "The Slow Drug" by Pj Harvey


Lo's Words
"The silence joined the words we always left unspoken. Circling around and around until I was sure, the quiet would slice me open."
"The dead never leave us. I didn’t have to see rotting zombies to remind me of that. Every day I remembered them and mourned. An ache inside that was forever constant. All I had left of them were memories. I cherished everyone like they were diamonds. I didn’t want to forget them. I didn’t want to let go."
“A familiar pang of dread wrapped its icy hand around my heart."
"The scars weren’t overly red, but faded, some just light lines on my skin. Some of them I could cover with makeup, while others would never truly disappear. I felt like they completed me. A reflection of the way I felt inside."

Tuesday, September 11, 2012

NEW "The Wild Hunt Ghost Trailer"

I made this trailer a while back, but didn't want it to have the same song as the previous one. This is the song I always associate with Lo. Pj Harvey has this uncanny ability to sound haunting without trying, something about the huskiness of her voice. I don't really know, I just know it works.

Monday, September 10, 2012

Cloud Nine......

It's amazing how the realization that I've actually finished my book, that I actually did it, takes forever to sink in. Sometimes I don't feel done at all, probably because I have so much more left to tell, so many more stories about The Wild Hunt. But regardless of that, there are moments where I sit back and see my words, see my story as a whole and I'm awed. I'm floating on this high numbing cloud.

It's like nothing I've ever felt before. The closest thing I have to describe it is giving birth. That moment when your baby takes his first breath, and you hear that first beautiful earth shattering cry. Nothing will ever be as beautiful as my kids, but this is a very close second.

Creation is indescribable.

The page was blank, and then there were words.

The words formed sentences, thoughts, and scenes.

The words described a place or feeling.

And together the pages were filled and it became something from nothing.

A story no one has ever read before.

Here is a peak at the cover for the ARC's I ordered. I can't believe in only a weeks time I'll have my book in my hands......

And there it is again, that feeling of being high (not that I'd know or anything........wink wink).

Thursday, September 6, 2012

Eye Candy


I've been devoting a little more time than usual to promoting my work, and working on The Wild Hunt blog. I didn't want to forget completely about this one, so I'm going to put up a little treat. I wish I could tell you who this model is, but I have no clue. All I know is that I found the dude on, it's my place for stock photos. Really it's one of the cheapest places out there. It takes a little more digging to find what you are looking for, but you'll spend less when you do. So here he is, the closest thing I could find to what's in my head.

His hair is a bit short in the pic above but he looks so dark and dirty who cares. I think he looks a little like Matt Bomer (Magic Mike, White Collar). Albeit he's a scruffier not nearly as pretty Matt Bomer. You can't tell from these pics but the actual model has a crooked nose which I love because Duncan does. Luckily there are tons of pictures of him so that I can treat the female readers pretty often to some Duncan eye candy.

Sunday, August 19, 2012


The closer I get to the publish date, the more I've started researching marketing, and promoting my story. Granted I did do some research in the beginning and over the years, but I always felt like all that self promotion was wrong. I don't want to email people and bug them. I'd rather readers discover my work, but I have to put it out there in order for them to find it. So where's the balance?

I'm slowly telling people about it on goodreads, but I still feel sleazy. Not that I think others who promote themselves are. I read their comments and read the description for their books. I just can't talk about my book without feeling sleazy. I envy those writers who are confident enough to ask others to read it. I'm going to have to get over my fear and aversion. So I'll go back out into the web and dig through articles and author advice, and hope that somewhere along the way I'll figure it out.

Thursday, August 16, 2012

Back down to Earth.....

When I wrote the post about needing an editor, I had NO idea how much getting an editor would cost. Most of the legitimate places online, like Createspace, charge pennies per page. It doesn't seem so bad at first. 0.022 doesn't seem like much. Once you multiply it by your page count things get a little ugly. That's not even taking into consideration that there are a few different levels of editing available.

Here's the math:

119,431 X 0.022 = $ 2,627.48

Now, I don't know about you, but I don't have 2700 dollars lying around. I wish I did, because I would put it towards lots of things like more new school clothes for the brats, and a spa day just for me........sigh, unfortunately 2700 bucks will take some raising. So that release date in October might only have some advice from readers, and reviewers. I hope my drive and dedication can make it as good as possible, without that expensive legitimate editor. In the mean time I'll keep fixing what I find, and start saving.

Wednesday, August 1, 2012

The Wild Hunt (book trailer)

After almost four years of work, countless hours writing, editing, and re-writing and editing. My book is almost finished. It's as close as I can get it without feedback. So to mark this occassion I have decided to start promoting and get ready for giveaways, ARC's, etc.

This is the book trailer, it isn't perfect (hello writer, not grapic designer or marketing exec.) so here goes nothing. Hope you like it!

Saturday, July 21, 2012

Editor Needed!!

Word Count: 119,991
The Wild Hunt: COMPLETED

............Now what?

I hate to say it, but because I am too close to the story, I need someone outside of it to edit. I'd love to trust myself, to believe that I know my story so well that nothing could have possibly slipped through the cracks. But because I'm human, and flawed, I know better.

I need an editor.

I have a friend who writes and self publishes, so I think I will ask her who she uses. I think I might do some research online as well.

I thought that when I finished the book, I'd be happier. Part of me is ecstatic, after the last sentence was typed, I spent the rest of the day floating. It was such a wonderful high. Today, I'm still happy, but I'm more aware of the next steps, and the work that still needs to be done.

Plus editing sucks, its even more time consuming than the actual writing. Checking word frequency, and deleting ly words. Checking for passive voice, present tense vs. past, split infinitive, prepositions, comma use, dialogue, and that doesn't even include checking the story itself. Making sure all the strings are tightly woven together. Voice, flow, and conflict. There are so many things to's exhausting. I also have to format, a file for hardback and for ebook, and because I'm going to put the ebook on more than one platform that means I have to format for each separate publication, Smashwords, B&N, Amazon............exhausting.

Once I have all that done I need to ARC, find readers, bloggers, and reviewers to test read. Why am I self publishing? I don't even remember anymore............sigh. Writing the book seems like the easy part now, and that is seriously scary.

Thursday, July 19, 2012

I write like.............

Word Count: 118,125
Last chapter........................then epilogue

I have too much time on my hands. Which is silly when I'm still finishing up the last chapter of my first novel.

Because I'm a control freak, and I have to edit while I write, I came across this fun site.

I write like........?

The idea is you put in a few paragraphs of your work, and it analyzes and compares your prose and sentence structure against famous authors.

Since I have too much time on my hands and no work (insert obnoxious snort) I just had to play with the little analyzer. I prayed, PRAYED, my writing wasn't anything like those sparkly vampire books, and I mean prayed.

Lucky for me the writing God's were listening, and I got........... dun dun ta dun..............

Anne Rice.--------->

Which is pretty awesome really since I like her writing. Hell, I can remember reading The Vampire Lestat right after I saw Interview With a Vampire. I was pretty young to read it too, don't know what the heck my dad was thinking, but needless to say, it's still one of my favorite reads.

So go type in I write like, in your search engines. Maybe you'll get someone cool, or maybe you'll get someone awful and decide that work in progress needs some extra love.

Happy writing!!

Monday, July 16, 2012

Chapter 21 Killer Among Us

Word Count: 113,352

I actually thought I'd never get through the last two chapters. They are by no means finished. Both need to be edited and revised. They're not polished, just the first attempts at getting the words down. I wish I could say they were perfect. Alive and moving. I explained yesterday to the honey, how writing them works. This is what I said.

"Writing is like flowing water, you can't stop the water or control how much flows, all you can do is direct it, and hope it moves the way you want it to. That's how writing feels. I know what I want to happen, I start the chapter with a certain goal in mind. But the words flow and go where they want to, I just try to help them along in the right direction."

Words are like water.

It's the best description I have to explain the way it feels. It's a careful balance living inside the flowing words, and hoping you control them and not the other way around.

I still can't believe that I'm this close to being finished. One more chapter and an epilogue. Roughly 6,000 to 8,000 more words. It could be less, but I know myself.

Each chapter is roughly 20 pages or more, between 4,000 and 6,000 words. If the epilogue gets too fat I'll just make it a chapter. But I've rambled on long enough.

Time to get back to work.......

Saturday, July 14, 2012

Chapter 20 The Wild Hunt

Word Count: 104,468

This is when things get hard. Not hard like getting through the first 19 chapters, and revising, revising, revising. No. This is hard like broken keyboard, unsaved chapters, starting over, and finding that one perfect myth to tie it all together. I was so sure last week that I'd be farther along by now. LOL haven't I learned anything?

Writing takes time.

I know this, I know it even before the words come to mind, or my fingers touch the keyboard. I know that writing takes time. I am at that all important chapter of the book, the part where Lo helps hunt a murderer. This should be cake, this is the one chapter I have thought about since the beginning. I know what I want to happen, what needs to take place, but I feel like the well is empty, the inspiration and whisperings of my muse quiet.

What now?

I re-read the same ten imperfect pages hoping it will come to me. It needs to be perfect, its that important to the story. All of my descriptions seem overused. I already did a paragraph describing the ripped flesh with maggots squirming beneath the surface. I already did torn abdomen and yellow ropes of intestine hanging from the open wound. This is horror, its supposed to be terrifying, suspenseful, at least a little description. Every word is flat and lifeless, boring, and not good enough. Is it terrible to hold myself up to such high standards, this is my first book. My first born novel.

Writing takes time.

I will repeat this until the chapter starts to move me, until the words come to life. I will repeat this until the most important chapter of he book is written.The next chapter matters, of course it does but this one, this one, is Lo's introduction to The Wild Hunt. She's a virgin to it, so like any virgin, I want everything to be just right (since it wasn't in the real world :-). And to be perfectly honest what first time ever is truly perfect?

Writing takes time.

My new mantra. I will be so glad when this chapter is done. I don't even want to think about query letters, or synopses. I don't know if I even want to send them out. I think I might just get my feet wet, self-publish. But I will never self-publish if I don't get this damn chapter written. Two to go, plus an epilogue............Writing takes time........writing........takes.........time.

Deep breath..... Let's get to it.

Sunday, July 8, 2012

Almost what?

I never really thought I'd get to this point. Three years ago it seemed impossible. I started researching, flirting with the idea for this book, but in all that time seeing the end, seeing the completed manuscript seemed impossible. Right now I'm at a word count of 98,230 words, and I'm not finished. I have about three more chapters to write. It's unreal being this close to the finish line. It's surreal, exciting, and a little scary. When I'm done it will be time to send it to an editor. I've done as much as I can do.

What have I learned?

Not to give myself deadlines. Most of them I didn't meet. You can't force the story, it has to evolve naturally. I hope that nearing the completion of my book I've got a better idea of what I'm doing then three years ago when I first sat down to write. Three years. I'd like to think that the next book will be easier, but that lesson I learned about deadlines sobers me. Writing is work.

Writing takes time. I'd love to crank out novels every three months but I have very high expectations for myself, and an obsessive perfectionist sitting on my shoulders. Writing is work. That is going to be my new mantra, its not a sprint, its a marathon. As I learn my craft I will get better but no matter what at the end of the day it just takes time.

Some days I wish I never started writing, but then I think about my world and characters, and I can't imagine life without them.

Writing is work, but it's also a high. It's holding a pen that can create worlds. It's living in your head but never feeling lonely. Writing is incredible. I am so glad I did this.

Sunday, June 24, 2012

The Unbecoming of Mara Dyer

Mara Dyer doesn’t think life can get any stranger than waking up in a hospital with no memory of how she got there.

It can.

She believes there must be more to the accident she can’t remember that killed her friends and left her mysteriously unharmed.

There is.

She doesn’t believe that after everything she’s been through, she can fall in love.

She’s wrong.

Whatever words I could use to describe this book wouldn't do it justice. As a wanna-be-writer its books like this that leave you breathless. It was beyond incredible, the first book I have read since Anna Dressed in Blood to rival it. It was that good. I'm not sure what pulled me in about it. As a reader I tend to devour books and skip over boring parts. I didn't skip, not once. It's that good. It also kept me guessing, and that rarely happens anymore. Even with books I enjoy a lot I can usually see the twists. I had feelings but no solid guesses, that is so worth the hours I spend reading it, and the money I spent. I'm in awe, this is the kind of story I want to write.

Read it, immediately it is so so so so good!!

Thursday, June 21, 2012

Writing Goals........

I have been working on The Wild Hunt for a very long time. Over three years, off and on, mostly off if I'm being honest. I recently took a six month break from the story.

Something just felt off......

I wasn't sure what I wanted my story to be. I was so wishy washy that it started making me crazy. I would re-write and re-write, and still something was missing. I wasn't sure what I wanted my story to tell.

Finally after my break it was suddenly clear. It's about overcoming loss, and forgiveness. Forgiving the flaws in yourself and other people, and realising that only you can save yourself. I guess I wanted a protagonist female I could look up to. Someone other girls would cheer on. Mouthy and tough but hiding a sensitive center. We don't have to be just one thing, strong or weak, beautiful or ugly, right or wrong. There is good and evil inside of all of us because we are flawed, imperfect. I also wanted to show that a female lead could be both weak and strong. Not just one or the other.

Lately it seems like all the books I read the females are either spineless, or emasculating. I hope Lorelei is a bit of both, because God knows we all are anyways. Give and take, ying and yang, dark and light. Two faced, complicated, human.

So now that I found my goal, I can finally finish my story. I'm looking forward to it. I owe it to my grandpa, the reason I started writing to begin with.

Who tries to write a book without a goal, what kind of dumbass does that you might ask?

<-----------this idiot does!!!

I'm not particularly proud of that but what can I say. We're all flawed right. I had a concept, an itch I couldn't scratch, an obsession to get my idea down on paper. Now I finally have my goal, my message. I don't know if all authors do what I did (probably not) some might not even have an idea what the message is when they start. All I know is that this bear of a story gave me hell from the beginning, and I'm so glad that it did. Strange right? I learned so much about writing, and myself as a writer. I hope that the next one is easier (please God!!), but before I get ahead of myself, I've got to finish this guy. I'm strangely optimistic, it can't get any harder right..............Right?

I'll leave you with my new favorite band. Clarensau I Would Trade (ironically called grandpas song), love you grandpa, hope up in heaven you're giving them hell, and I'm making you proud!

Tuesday, June 19, 2012


Sometimes I still see you,
you come to me in dreams,

It's like my mind betrays me,
and I wake up saying your name,

I hate that I can still smell you,
that I ache to feel your touch,

I guess it doesn't matter how long it's been or who's in love,

There was just something about you, something deep only I could see,

A spark, a bright shining beacon, drawing you to me,

Is it really just as simple as timing being wrong,

If there's such a thing as soul mates, I've got to wonder if you were the one,

I feel like I'm betraying the one who loves me now,

Except you never loved me, never wanted the wife the kids the house,

A part of me still lingers wanting to hear your voice,

Taste your kiss, feel your passion, give in fully, have a choice,

When will my heart forget you, will it ever, is it true,

God I wish it didn't hurt so much to remember loving you.

I'm sure I'm not the only one who fell for the wrong person. We can't control our hearts anymore than we can control our dreams. I'm probably not the only writer to come across a person who didn't believe in them, but those assholes and jerks serve a purpose. I want to prove them wrong. Luckily I have someone now that believes in me, but that belief isn't half as motivating as the asshole who said I couldn't.

So fellow authors, here's to the assholes who said we couldn't, it will be my ultimate pleasure to prove them wrong!!!!

Monday, March 19, 2012

Accepting imperfection.

We all do it. Some of us more than others, some of us hardly at all. Certain things make it harder for me to control it. I get too caught up in the details, obsessed, whatever you want to call it, I'm a slave to it. It can keep me from sleeping, keep me up until I give in and fix whatever threw off my perfectionists idea of balance. I'm probably more than a little ocd when it comes to certain things. The lines I paint on the wall being perfect, the edge of the sand paper being just right.

I'm a perfectionist.

I'm not sure when I first realized this, high school, college, after having my first child. Over the years it's probably gotten worse, the need to make whatever I do as perfect as absolutely possible. I'm the girl who slaves over the stove and kicks myself after taking the first bite, more garlic, less salt. Whatever it is that the perfectionist doesn't like, I mentally spank myself. Over and over through out the day it cracks the whip. Seriously. I should probably drink more, lighten up. Let go.

Two words.

Let. Go.

Why is it so hard sometimes. When it comes to my story. I am the worlds worst critic. I don't think anyone could say anything that the perfectionist in me wouldn't nod along with and narrow its terrible eyes in my direction. LOL I just had a mental image of myself cowering in the corner before the loud slap. I know, I'm crazy. (Inside the perfectionist is nodding, just so you know).

Anyways to the point..............Oh yea. No one can say something worst than what I tell myself. It isn't possible. If they said my story was unimaginative drivel, inside the perfectionist nods. If they say I should give it up, inside the perfectionist nods. I wish I could slap the crap out of that perfectionist, but it would probably just squeal with glee, excited at the prospect of punishment.......... I'm sure Freud would love me. All the inner turmoil and angst. LOL okay I'm not a young adult novel, but you get the point.

I hate being a perfectionist. I have to remind myself to take a step back, take a deep breath, and except what I'm capable of, and what I'm not. I hate it, not getting it just so, just right, perfect. Is there anything on this earth that is, that isn't somehow slightly off balance, a little too much of this, too little of that. Even though my perfectionist often rules me, I'm learning, however painfully. To let go.

But the novel, the book, I can't seem to ease up on. I just keep beating myself and whimpering, unsure of where to go. Something is off, and my inner perfectionist won't let it go. Refuses. So I'm stuck, writers block............only this time,  it's a million times worse.


So what do I do now? Continue to help with the remodel, take out the sander, and the nail gun and hope the large amount of power tools eases my inner sorrow. I will finish the book.......someday. The moment will come where that aha moment rises and falls and my inner perfectionist will shut up and finally allow my fingers to hit the keys. I know my book will never be perfect (inside I'm cringing, the perfectionist is shaking her head refusing to believe it.) I wonder how many authors suffer from my particular brand of crazy. So many are like other artists, dark and foreboding, alcholics, addicts, with messy lives, and even messier love stories.

So here I am, a little crazy, (inside the perfectionist snorts obnoxiously, she's kind of a bitch.......) and I wonder, how many other people fight their inner compass, accept something that isn't quite right as good enough. Or do they see the imperfection the way I do..............LOL mental spanking, I have to find somewhere to use that, it's kind of funny. Crap, focus Ashley, there was a point, but I've already lost it. Haha Lost it, geez I crack myself up. (The IP, inner perfectionist, rolls her eyes.) See I even annoy me, but the point I'm grasping for is...... I hate being a perfectionist, hate, hate, HATE. But I am who I am, so the hiatus is still on. But I'm hoping the block breaks soon. Cross your fingers for me. I need all the positive I can get.

Monday, March 5, 2012

.........over the edge

Well I really have no terribly annoying excuses this time around. Life. In one word it catches up with you. Lately I've been helping my mom remodel her house. Which has been extremely fun for me. So I've taken a break from all forms of writing including the blog. I'm not sure how often I'll be around while this re-model is going on. Its work, to say the least. But I will say this.........I love power tools. Seriously. Have you ever used a nail gun? If not then you have no idea the awesome power it is to use such a thing. LOL.

So far we have sanded, re-painted, distressed, and sealed one built in cabinet, a hallway cabinet, half the kitchen cabinets, and one bathroom. We have also put up beadboard (wainscotting) in the master bedroom and a chair-rail. In the newly re-done bathroom we put up beadboard, and new baseboards, door trim and chair rail. Every ceiling has been painted, including all of the rooms, the ugly brown bricked fireplace, and numerous other small projects. IE wallpaper border, mirror frame, painted doors, hinges etc.

The list is long, and all done during ten hour days in the last two months. Yesterday the new counter tops were put in. I'm going to upload some pictures when I can, there is just something so satisfying about doing work with your hands. I grew up watching my father and grandfather working on cars, houses, etc. The hardware store was at least a weekly visit. I have fond memories of that hardware store..........

The point is I've been busy. And as soon as I'm done with this project (moms house) I'll be back, with more energy because of this little vacation from writing. So grab your power tools and join the fun. I'm sure you can find some small project at home to attack. You'll have a blast between all the cuts, cussing, and missing tools! I know I am.

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Dream House

Being as I haven't reviewed a book in a while, I know I also haven't reviewed any movies. This one, although tragic, wasn't what I thought it was going to was better.

Soon after moving into their seemingly idyllic new home,
a family learns of a brutal crime committed against former
residents of the dwelling.

Let me just say that the previews for this movie didn't do it justice, but without the previews, I wouldn't have been surprised when this movie turned out to be different. My inner obsession with all things serial killer, attracted me to this film. I thought this was going to be a slasher flick, or at the very least some sort of terrifying stalker movie about a family that moved into a home where a family was slaughtered.

Much to my surprise it wasn't that kind of scary, it was about a man trying to find out if he was capable of murdering his entire family. I teared up, I cringed, I hated the person that was capable of taking such pure innocent lives, and I was entertained, even when I wanted to stop watching. It was very well done.  Definitely a must watch.

Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Bad Girls Don't Die

When Alexis's little sister Kasey becomes obsessed with an antique doll, Alexis thinks nothing of it. Kasey is a weird kid. Period. Alexis is considered weird, too, by the kids in her high school, by her parents, even by her own Goth friends. Things get weirder, though, when the old house they live in starts changing. Doors open and close by themselves; water boils on the unlit stove; and an unplugged air conditioner turns the house cold enough to see their breath in. Kasey is changing, too. Her blue eyes go green and she speaks in old-fashioned language, then forgets chunks of time.
Most disturbing of all is the dangerous new chip on Kasey's shoulder. The formerly gentle, doll-loving child is gone, and the new Kasey is angry. Alexis is the only one who can stop her sister — but what if that green-eyed girl isn't even Kasey anymore?


Okay so it has been a while, a long while, since I have liked a book enough to actually review it. The last one was Anna Dressed in Blood by Kendare Blake. Needless to say it took quite a book to live up to that novel. Not that Bad Girls Don't Die is better than Anna, no, I don't think that's possible. Even months after I read Anna, it's still there just beneath the surface, a story that gets under your skin. But Bad Girls, has something in common with Anna, ghosts!!!! And I love me some ghosts.

As my grandma likes to recount, over and over again, I used to believe the Ghostbusters were my brothers. (Insert snort.)

My poor mom had to replay Ghostbusters over and over again on VHS until the damn thing broke and she had to buy me another one. I watched it that much. Now me I remember liking it, loving the ghost story, but hell calling them my brothers, I was a precocious kid, what can I say. My grandma bless her, is slowly forgetting things, but I don't think she will ever forget that story!

Anyways long story short I love Bad Girls Don't Die, it was creepy, at times horrifying, and a little evil. Throw in the possessed Victorian Doll and bamm, you've hooked me. A definite must read!!


I've totally been neglecting my blog. Not only have I not been posting, but I haven't been writing too much this month either. I've been busy. Blah, blah blah, excuse bullshit excuse. So whatever the reason I'll try to be a better girl next month.

I will say that despite my non-writing month, I did discover quite a few new pieces of music I'm in LOVE with. I came across the Irish band The Frames first. It just kept popping up on my Pandora, and I liked it. Then the song Falling Slowly found its way to my ear and I had to look it up. That's when I came across the movie Once, and Glen Hansard. OMG I'm in love. It's a wee bit creepy that Glen looks a little like a redheaded doppelganger for my high school boyfriend, but I can overlook that one misgiving for the music.

The music.

Maybe I've been on a folky kick lately, although Glen Hansard doesn't exactly fit that mold, but since The Civil Wars, I've just been craving that same sound. That harmony with the guitar and lyrics that actually make you feel something. Sometimes I think my aversion to anything mainstream has made me hate anything on the radio, but this, Falling Slowly, the sound of Glen's voice when he belts it out from the heart. Damn it makes me get goosebumps. I find myself closing my eyes to better hear. It's awe inspiring, and it makes me connect with a part of me I haven't paid much attention to. The music lover. So after watching Once, and buying the entire soundtrack, I've found my fingers itching to write. I'm inspired, I feel deeply that these songs will help me tap into something I've been trying to find.

Ironic that its a Irish artist, when Celtic myth has such a place in my story. But alas, here I am editing, getting ready to really write, to finish, and I'm not panicky, or even nervous I feel at peace.

When he yells this song at 1:13 it gives me chills soooo sooo good! Listen enjoy. I'm going to keep editing and write something actually new!!! Yea

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Happy New Year!!!

Every year on January 1st (or the 3rd in this case) I find myself reflecting back on the last year, and hating that I now have to remember to write a new stinking year on checks, documents, etc. I always forget in the beginning, it usually lasts for  few months, I'll keep writing 2011 instead of 2012. It's scary how quickly a year can go by. Just yesterday it felt like my youngest boy Ethan was born. He's now three, in the midst of terrible toddler-hood, and I'm starting to miss the baby days.

I never really feel any older either, birthday's come and go, and I still feel the same. I still make mistakes, and say things I shouldn't, maybe older, a little wiser, but still the same person, still the same inside. I wonder if my eighty year old grandma feels that way. The outside changes, the world keeps moving but inside, we're always the same. The same person that loves old rock, and reading, the same person that cusses to much, and let's her mouth get her in trouble. No matter how long I live I hope I keep that part of me, the kindred spirit, the stubborn soul, the child.