Saturday, October 20, 2012

When it rains.......

It pours.

Due to a family tragedy, my book may or may not be out on October 31st. Death it seems doesn't care much for deadlines and plans. It happens to everyone, even those we never see it taking.

I'm trying not to be pathetic and feel sorry for myself, but no matter what I do it seems to happen anyways. I just wish that I wasn't so angry. Anger is the emotion of the moment. I'm mad at God, the doctors, the nurses, everybody and everything. I'm mad and I don't know how to let go of it. I know its all a part of the grieving process but somehow knowing doesn't make it any easier, it just makes me mad. Mad at everything.

I hope the book makes it out there, at the moment, it doesn't feel like anything is possible. My time is warped and frozen. We're all holding our breath waiting for a miracle we know isn't going to happen. Time has stopped, and at the same time its speeding by in a blurry un-graspable surge. Slipping through my fingers, every breath and every moment is too fast to hold on to. Pretty soon there will be no more breaths, no more moments....just endless time without that person.

I love you grandma. No amount of time is enough, it's all borrowed. I'm going to breath in and out and hope that the anger leaves me, and that someday, my dream of being a writer, comes true.

Monday, October 15, 2012

No more moving.

Moving sucks. It sucks more than editing, polishing dialogue, checking word repetition, you get the picture............moving SUCKS.

It sucks not only because it takes time, but because it takes so MUCH time. I was supposed to be done moving weeks ago. I was supposed to do this leisurely. Who was I kidding. I'm done just in time to stress out about the book.

The book. Did I forget about it. NO. But working on promotion and marketing took a standstill. I had no Internet for a number of weeks. Not that I had any free time, not while moving. I refuse to ever move again. I'm setting down roots. They'll have to drag me away kicking and screaming. Holy Hell moving sucks.

My garage is full of boxes, my office is non-existent I haven't even attempted to hook up my desktop. I just can't seem to care yet there's too much to do, and not enough time. My grandma just so happens to be doing badly as well. It's just a very stressful time, so forgive me if I pity party it up and whine a little.........or a lot. I'll try to keep the nauseating poor me to a minimum. In short I'm back, to promote and beg readers to read my story. I don't even think I care so much that people love it. I just want people to read it. Loving it, is the perk, the ultimate christmas gift. I think writers are just lucky people take time out of their lives to read their work. Wanting people to love it, just seems like too much to ask.

Well I've droned on long enough. I have a pumpkin roll to finish.