It pours.
Due to a family tragedy, my book may or may not be out on October 31st. Death it seems doesn't care much for deadlines and plans. It happens to everyone, even those we never see it taking.
I'm trying not to be pathetic and feel sorry for myself, but no matter what I do it seems to happen anyways. I just wish that I wasn't so angry. Anger is the emotion of the moment. I'm mad at God, the doctors, the nurses, everybody and everything. I'm mad and I don't know how to let go of it. I know its all a part of the grieving process but somehow knowing doesn't make it any easier, it just makes me mad. Mad at everything.
I hope the book makes it out there, at the moment, it doesn't feel like anything is possible. My time is warped and frozen. We're all holding our breath waiting for a miracle we know isn't going to happen. Time has stopped, and at the same time its speeding by in a blurry un-graspable surge. Slipping through my fingers, every breath and every moment is too fast to hold on to. Pretty soon there will be no more breaths, no more moments....just endless time without that person.
I love you grandma. No amount of time is enough, it's all borrowed. I'm going to breath in and out and hope that the anger leaves me, and that someday, my dream of being a writer, comes true.
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