Friday, March 21, 2014

Blocking myself

I remember years ago when Sex in the City was still on air, and not in the reruns category. I remember this haunting episode in which Samantha's character (played by Kim Cattrall) ran out of orgasms. For any woman this is a very scary idea. To actually run out of what was once easy, or if not easy at least necessary for happiness in life.

You might wonder where in the hell I'm going with this whole line of thought, but I'm getting there, (this is where I insert snarky comment: that's what she said)...the point...yes that everything has a limit. We may not know how many breaths we get, or days, hours or minutes. We may not know how many orgasms we have until that part of our body just stops working. Who the fuck knows.

We stare in the mirror at our graying hair and wrinkled faces and the clock ticks on. We watch the skin on our hands grow clearer and spotted and the clock ticks on...tick...tock...tick...tock. Its moving along even as we are unaware of it. So my point is, what if we only have so many words in us. So many words we can think, say, type, share, only so many before the damn walls up and we have no more.

What if we only have so much creative juice to use towards our projects, be them book, home, painting or poetry.

These what ifs...keep me up at night. I worry over them more than a person should. Like peeking behind the curtain, or opening a present early, we don't know, and we shouldn't know.

But as I use my creativity on my home and countless other projects that don't include writing I can't help wondering if I'm squandering what ideas could be used for writing on other things. Am I using up that lovely creative juice on the wrong thing? Is there a right one?

I'll undoubtedly harass myself with this thought before I reach a conclusion, and I'll wonder...am I blocking myself with my own crazy thought process, am I killing my creativity just by pondering its limitations? Am I?

We all play the part of sabotage...

Wednesday, March 5, 2014

Life is Good!

Every once in a while I have one of those days where everything goes as planned. I wake up and I don't hate the idea of moving. I drink a cup of coffee, look at the sky. Whatever it is something just makes everything align in this beautiful way.

I'm so glad for days like today. It makes me believe in what hard work and real effort can give you. Lately I've been working on my house. Little projects here and there, that I always mean to do, and never finish. Thing's I've pinned, idea's I've had. Not unlike all the story ideas I get and never have time to write down. For once, I put everything aside and decided that yes, I was going to work on my house.

One project turned into two, and then three. Three morphed into five, and then seven, nine. You get the picture. I went from painting a dough table, to buying five pieces of furniture I painted an distressed. An entry way remodel, then the hallway, the stairway, the backyard, the front yard, and now I'm soon be starting on my kitchen. That doesn't include little things like putting together the new built ins for the entry way or painting a mirror. It doesn't include making my own cupcake stands, or finally hanging the curtains in the master bedroom. My project schedule was like a damn gremlin that got wet, it freaking blew up.

I'm not unhappy about these events, quite the contrary my home has never been so wonderful. I feel super accomplished as well. And writing, well, sometimes you just need to take some time off. For my readers out there, I apologize, I needed to live a little life before I could write about it. Now I'll finish Lilith in-between painting my kitchen cabinets and hopefully by the end of this year I'll have countless projects, and a couple of books under my belt.

Life is good, its even better when you live in it the way you are supposed to!

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