When life happens.....

There are days where the writing comes out faster than I can keep up with it. When my fingers are sore and stiff after hours of pressing against the keyboard. If only writing for me were always like that.

Sometimes my inspiration disappears. During which I stare at the computer screen hoping, praying that the words will come. The more I try to make it happen, the harder it is to let the words flow. It's a horrible cycle, the more I press on the more pressure I put on myself the higher the wall gets until I'm staring at the same sentence I wrote four days ago, wondering where it all went wrong. I'd like to think that as a self-proclaimed writer I have more intuition into the inner workings of my world, and what works and what doesn't. But sadly I'm just as clues less about the process as I was two years ago, or six years ago when I first started taking my want to write seriously.

That intuition is a funny thing though, and lately I've been feeling like its been screaming out at me and I was too stupid to listen. When I get stuck, when I get truly backed into a corner, it's because something is off. Something is wrong. It could be something as simple as deleting a scene, or re-writing it. But some inner voice won't let me move forward until it's right. What drives me crazy is the fact that some writers, (the far more gifted like Stephen King) can sit down and write everyday. They have hours they put in, they put down the words, and then they're done for the day. They write the whole novel then go back and edit.

I can't do that.

I can't move forward unless it's right.

I wish to God I could turn off that little inner voice because it's becoming a major pain in the ass. It will not let me move forward or shut up until the piece that was jacked up is fixed. I hate it. I despise it. But should I change it?

Is my way wrong while everyone else's is right. Or is no way any better than the other. I'd like to think that doing it all planned out and proper is great, but for some reason it's not for me. It makes me think of that saying that life happens while you're busy making plans. Maybe writing for me, is what happens when the timing and the pieces are right, not when I force them. So maybe that means I won't put out a book as often as I want to..........sigh. Maybe I'll be that annoying writer that takes three years to finish one novel. I can't change my inner voice. And sometimes I don't even want to.

That inner voice paid off recently. I was stuck, which is common, and I kept staring at that same paragraph until it hit me. I didn't need that stupid paragraph anyways. So I deleted and bam, inspiration was back and my fingers were clicking. I now have a love-hate relationship with my inner voice, and maybe as time goes by I'll figure the bitch out, and not have anymore little hissy fits or fights with her. Here's to hoping!