Finding my voice!

It seems like everyday I'm on a roller coaster of emotions ranging anywhere from elation to disgust. Some days I think my writing is incredible. I'll write a scene that I'm so involved with I cry as I type the words on the screen. Days like that, are the best days to be a writer. You feel invincible, and your creative energy is flowing at such a fast rate you can barely keep up. Today I not only wrote some great pages, but I also found that THING that will link all my stories together.

On the bad days. I want to hit delete and throw it all away, and start over, or maybe not start over at all. Those are the days that take the most effort to not give up. It's easy to write when you're high on endorphines. It's hard to write when you feel like you're an idiot, and a dreamer that will never be talented no how hard you try, or how much you read, or how much you want this.

I don't think I'm a great writer, but I do think I'm a good story-teller, and I'm okay with that. The more I come into myself and find my writing, the more I realize that what I want to do is weave a great dream! I don't need to go down in literary history or win a Pulitzer, I'm connected to the words I put on the screen, and I made myself cry from the sheer emotion it took to write them.

Today is a great day to be a writer!!!

I learn something new about this process everyday. I'm starting to find my stride, my flow. I'm recognizing my voice in the story, a voice I'm starting to be really proud of. I worry about my work being good enough for other people, and then I remind myself I'm not writing this for them. I'm writing this for me, because I have to, because I love it, because there is no greater high on the planet than creating your own world. It's more fun then I ever thought, and more work than I would have ever believed possible. Checking word frequency is the biggest pain in the ass I've come across, because no matter how well the story flows, or how good the words sound out loud. When I find eyes seven times on ONE page, I freak out. Don't I have a higher vocabulary than that. Don't I love words like obtuse, pious, and incessant?

So after I scroll through the thesaurus, and rearrange sentences to weed out the overdone. I still feel better about my writing. I'm growing, I'm becoming better, I'm figuring out my craft. So without going overboard with the self back pats, I have to say that today I am grateful to be a writer!

And even when it seems like you'll never get there, everyday you write, you are becoming a better writer. So do that thing that makes you high, get out some paper, grab a pen or a keyboard and write!!! God knows today I will, and hopefully tomorrow too.