I recently got married. Actually, today is my one month anniversary. Why am I writing yet another blog you might ask, instead of celebrating said anniversary with my new husband? We may have been married for only a month, but our six year anniversary is in February...i.e. what's the big deal about a month when we've been together for half a decade. So yea, I'm back from the dead (wedding) and blogging. The last blog, Writers Anti-block I wrote ages ago I just forgot to publish it.
I blame the wedding, everything in my brain that worked remotely well before the wedding shut down while I was planning it. For two months I felt comatose and taken hostage by a wedding date. I will add that the wedding itself was absolutely perfect. Not one thing went wrong. My uncle who did the ceremony was amazing, the cupcakes were great, the food hot and yummy, alcohol a-plenty, and all my family and friends showed up (minus two or three who were legitimately out of the country, sick, or just unable to attend). The wedding was perfect.
Now after the haze has passed and I feel rejuvenated and not dead from the neck up, I have returned from the dead (wedding) ready to write. The blog (the personal and not the book) has suffered. The book one is always suffering. I hardly ever write it. It's just a more professional blog than this one where I frequently whine, cuss, am brass, obnoxious and probably make countless grammatical errors. Hence the reason this one is more fun...I can say FUCK, and not feel guilty! BOOM! Yes that is two completely capitalized words in a row. I just did that. That is why I will always rant here and not on the boring, ho hum overly professional book blog.
I just fell asleep typing that. It's that boring. Ugh, I should just delete it but I feel that if a person (literary agent, publisher, editor, reader, or my mom) were to Google my book and find the blogs, that they would read that one first in the hopes that I appear to be an adult and not a fourteen year old brat girl trapped in a thirty-something body.
Also the jail reference is rather funny. Yesterday the honey (who is still breathing) stole my iPhone. I am pretty sure that in itself is reason enough for divorce, separation, and maybe even death or dismemberment. He stole said phone while I was asleep under the surmise that he had in fact told me while I was drooling on my pillow. Can anyone else spell Asshole, I can, and did upon finding my phone gone. I was in a murderous rage. See the worst part isn't that he took it, and didn't tell me. (To the Honey: telling an unconscious person is not a conversation, just so you know.) It's that I looked, and looked, and looked for my iPhone for hours before I figured out what had happened.
In a blur of cuss words and fantasies of dismemberment, I wrote a Facebook status that went something like:
Walter took my cellphone, I had no intention of going to jail today........sigh.
Simple short, and a little sarcastic like me. Hehe see what I did there. Anyways so my good friend, and best friend, having no idea I was joking, (and they say they know me), commented in worry that I was actually incarcerated and not being ridiculous. I would not actually kill Walter (this is for you future FBI profiler, if anything ever happens to Walter I did not do it. I only joked about it, yes I know that is stupid, and juvenile, see the line above about my being a fourteen year old brat girl trapped in a thirty-something body. end quote).
So to end my rant on all things death and jail, that was my month. A wedding that didn't kill me, a missing iPhone, and a sarcastic not perfectly clear status update that proved yet again that texting and the internet still don't have a sarcasm font. Damn them.
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