Broken Keys

I recently purchased a new fancy laptop, and while new said laptop is rather awesome, there is something about it that leaves me...sad.

No longer do I have to use the right shift key only because the left is broken.

No longer do I have to press down rubber stumps instead of keys.

Alas I have real computer keys pristine and unmarked by use...and yet I miss the broken laptop.

We went through a lot that computer and I...two books, a move, countless projects, and one unrecoverable loss.

Is it strange that I miss my old laptop as I write this, maybe, but knowing myself probably not.

I once cried for two hours when my youngest son broke a blue mason jar my recently departed grandma had given me. I've learned that lately I hate all changes that she isn't here to see. I hate the holidays she isn't present for, the crazy things my kids do that I can't talk to her about. I miss that safe haven I had knowing she was alive and well in the world. I miss my grandma, I miss her friendship and guidance, but most of all I miss her voice. I find myself playing it over and over again in the hopes that I won't forget.

All of this boils down to one thing....I hate change, even the good kind. Change is an all too painful reminder that life goes on after those we love have left it. Life goes on. I guess I should be getting on with mine.