Dreams

 Here we are again. I’m sure a therapist would tell me I have unresolved feelings or some shit and that is why I dream about your annoying ass so often. No shit. The problem is I would like to Eternal Sunshine your ass out of my memory please and thank you. 

It wasn’t epic. You did not love me while I the idiot absolutely loved you. Unrequited absolutely but not epic. Not epic at all. 

So let’s Freud this shit and figure out why you continue to haunt me. Regrets…1 I didn’t tell you. But that was self preservation at its finest. I didn’t tell you because I knew you didn’t love me and saying it to you would have been too much and it would have fucked me up royally.

The love wasn’t bigger or more intense but there was something to it something with teeth. Something that could murder my soul if I wasn’t careful. I felt like I could see into you to a space that no one else could. It was different from the other loves Ive felt purely for that alone. 

Did you see me back. No

Much to my horror and pain you did not. I’m not sure you could have really even if you’d tried. This was all me. All my complicated feelings. 

So the dreams. I have a fulfilling life. I just spent an amazing weekend in Vegas. Come home and have sex dreams about you. Not just sex but babies this time. Children. Why? Because I know you have a daughter. 

You’d think that me knowing Karma bit you on the ass would soothe some fucked up part of me but it doesn’t. 

I want you out of my head. You Don’t deserve to be there. You didn’t sacrifice for me or take care of me or do anything kind or giving. You were my fucked up friend who sometimes fucked me but couldn’t date me because I had a kid. 

Fuck you.

My husband should be the one in my dreams. He fucking earned that shit. Has cared loved and supported me in everything.

Fuck you and fuck Me. I hate these dreams because every single time it makes me think about you all damn day long. 

So yeah fuck me.