Responsible

There aren't many things in this life that makes me worry what others think. I don't care about the latest fashions and what's popular on the radio....I buy what I like and listen to what pleases me. Mostly, if lots of people like something I tend not to like it for that reason alone. The radio in my car is always tuned to my iPod (Ben Howard). My mom has always said that I walk to the beat of my own drum. I am not a follower but a loner lost in a world of my own overactive mind.

So it may come as a surprise that I don't like letting people down. If I make a promise or agree to do something I try like hell to follow through. I'm not talking about trivial things like going for coffee or calling. I'm talking about things like babysitting, remodeling my moms house, being a better mother. I make promises to myself all the time, yell less listen more, breathe, count to three, watch the cussing. This post is strangely cuss free go figure. The point is something, maybe a childhood lesson in church, a big talk on integrity, a remembered class about morals and values, all of these things attack me when I don't follow through.

Right now I'm far behind a deadline (again) it may only be a personal one, but it is just as important as the ones I make to other people. So as my deadline gets further and further behind me, and my fingers continue to sit limp and unused at my sides I realize my outside promises are interfering with my inside ones. The goals I've set for myself as a person are falling aside to be trampled over by someone else's responsibility, by someone else's needs.

This bothers me for two reasons:

one: I am and will forever be a creature of habit and self reflection, I will always seek the comfort of my own inner voice above another persons. I am very okay with being alone (even though I'm not) its that whole loner thing. When my ID, or EGO or whatever the damn psychological name is isn't satisfied I sort of lash out verbally, I become a grump. My patience evaporates and I'm left very unhappy.

two: It was a promise or agreement that I made that was "supposed to" expire over three weeks ago. Said agreement isn't important, because in the end the choice is up to me, do I finish at the peril of my ID and writing, or do I cut my losses say sorry and move on. It isn't my responsibility as the allotted agreed time has exceeded exponentially. As a grown up I feel guilty, but as a writer and self employed one at that, I feel used. I feel taken advantage of.

So do I fall prey to my fear of being a flake or irresponsible, which responsibilities are more important, my job, paying or not, or free daycare for another person??

I don't want to judge or point fingers, but when is enough enough?

When can I say no and not feel guilty....probably never, but if I won't fight for me and my writing, no one will. I have to take a stand and say NO and own it.

NO!

My writing is just as important as your day job.

My writing is NOT just a hobby, it is my career, my savings grace, my passion in this life.

If I hear one more person tell me I don't have a real job (especially a mouthy five year old that doesn't belong to me) I will snap!!

I am a writer.

I am damn good at it too even if I occasionally suck (snark snark, no ones perfect.)

This is my job, and I need to be getting on with it. So goodbye other pervious agreed to persons problem, hello The Otherside, Scent Hound, Demon Unleashed, and whatever crazy ass projects I wanted to finish this year. Here's to publishing another book in 2013!

Broken Keys

I recently purchased a new fancy laptop, and while new said laptop is rather awesome, there is something about it that leaves me...sad.

No longer do I have to use the right shift key only because the left is broken.

No longer do I have to press down rubber stumps instead of keys.

Alas I have real computer keys pristine and unmarked by use...and yet I miss the broken laptop.

We went through a lot that computer and I...two books, a move, countless projects, and one unrecoverable loss.

Is it strange that I miss my old laptop as I write this, maybe, but knowing myself probably not.

I once cried for two hours when my youngest son broke a blue mason jar my recently departed grandma had given me. I've learned that lately I hate all changes that she isn't here to see. I hate the holidays she isn't present for, the crazy things my kids do that I can't talk to her about. I miss that safe haven I had knowing she was alive and well in the world. I miss my grandma, I miss her friendship and guidance, but most of all I miss her voice. I find myself playing it over and over again in the hopes that I won't forget.

All of this boils down to one thing....I hate change, even the good kind. Change is an all too painful reminder that life goes on after those we love have left it. Life goes on. I guess I should be getting on with mine.

Giveaway/Character Profiles

Goodreads is hosting a giveaway of Lilith: Part 1.

 

 

 

http://www.goodreads.com/giveaway/show/45969-Lilith

 

 

 

 

 

 

Lilith

 

 



 

 

1. Name: Lilith

  2. Age: ageless

  3. Hair: pale blonde

  4. Eyes: dark brown/black

  5. Build: curvaceous

  6. Height: 5'7

  7. Personality: evil, crazy, psycho

  8. Likes: games, descendants of Adam

  9. Dislikes: anything standing in her way

10. Music: a little bit of everything

11. Movies: Anything horror. dark comedies

12. Actress whom my character resembles:

13. Clothes: something revealing, sheer, expensive

14. Job: mother of monsters, wreaking havoc

15. Song: "Your Betrayal"-Bullet for my Valentine

 

 

 

 

 

 

Rhiannon

 

 



  1. Name: Rhiannon

  2. Age: 17

  3. Hair: dirty blonde

  4. Eyes: blue

  5. Build: athletic

  6. Height: 5'8

  7. Personality: brass, sarcastic,

  8. Likes: planning Lexie's annihilation

  9. Dislikes: Lexie

10. Music: rock, pop

11. Movies: comedies

12. Actress whom my character resembles:

13. Clothes: black, tough girl, anything from hot topics

14. Job: unemployed

15. Song: "Rosemary"-Deftones

 

 

Wes

 

 

 

  1. Name: Weston (Wes)

  2. Age: 19

  3. Hair: Brown

  4. Eyes: Brown

  5. Build: Athletic

  6. Height: 6'0

  7. Personality: jokester, funny, helpful,  

  8. Likes: Helping friends, Rhi, adventure, college

  9. Dislikes: idiots, bullies,

10. Music: rock, alternative

11. Movies: comedies, historical

12. Actress whom my character resembles:

13. Clothes: jeans, polo, DC's

14. Job: part-time at a surf shop

15. Song: "Before I Die"-Papa Roach



 

 

 

 

Lexie Vega

 

 

 

 

 

 1. Name: Lexie Vega

  2. Age: 17

  3. Hair: Brown

  4. Eyes: Blue

  5. Build: Curvy

  6. Height: 5'6

  7. Personality: vicious, aggressive, smart, brutal

  8. Likes: hurting those who intimidate her

  9. Dislikes: being challenged

10. Music: pop, hip hop

11. Movies: anything with Justin Timberlake or a hot guy

12. Actress whom my character resembles: Jessica Szohr

13. Clothes: anything tight, skinny jeans, tiny tops

14. Job: helps her father file at his office

15. Song: "Tempest"-Deftones

Just keep on typing...

About six years ago I was working at a Health Insurance Company. I won't name names....hehehhe. Even if it would be fun to. I won't because of things like taking the higher road, and turning the other cheek. There's too much else I need to do than to waste time on the past.

I was miserable in my job. Hated a few of my co-workers (one in particular) my God did she get my blood to boil. But while I hated said job, and said bitch, I used my free time to daydream. I'm sure I've mentioned before how I would write down ideas for books, something I knew I wanted to do since high school. I always have more ideas then time to write them, and that is a good thing. God forbid the well run dry.

The point.....I had one somewhere and not just on top of my head. I guess the point is we make goals for ourselves and never know if we'll make them. Six years ago I decided I wanted to write. I only told a few people. My grandpa who believed, my sister who also encouraged me, and an ex-friend with benefits. They were the only people who I told in the beginning. The ex-f.w.b. (you know who you are Skippy) didn't believe.

It hurt pretty badly when he told me it was a nice hobby, but who was I kidding. I kept my bad job until my grandfathers health problems got so severe me and said job split ways, along with ex-f.w.b. some months earlier.

Point: I wanted to be published by the time I was thirty. My thirtieth birthday is in four days. In four days my deadline hits and I have not only one book out, but two. Neither one are best sellers or in huge demand, but I did it. I met my goal.

As my birthday draws nearer I realize how much I've lost and gained in the last six years. A job, an apartment, a few friends. Both my grandparents have left this world. Only one saw me reach my goal. God was she proud. Uncle Arley, she'd say, Uncle Arley always wanted someone in the family to write a book. I was the lucky one if we're being optimistic.

Writing has taken over my life.

I live and breathe it. I wake up thinking about it, dream about it. Writing is the lover that I can't have, the one you obsess about in a truly unhealthy manner. I love writing, I think to myself, I can't wait to see him again. Snort.

It always makes me think of ex-f.w.b. Of his harsh disbelief, and I want to send him my books in the mail so badly I can't stand it. I know where he is, probably has the same number. Not in a stalker way thank you, but because he was like that...the same.

I've written two books, had my second child, lost the two most wonderful people in my world, and their loss...outshines the success of meeting my goal. My grandfather never got to hold the book in his hands, and it breaks my heart. My grandma never got to see my first tiny check. I hate that life gives you what you asked for, but takes a little at the same time.

I need to make some new goals now. Maybe ten books by the time I'm thirty five, have one be published by a big house publisher, wouldn't that be neat! Buy a house, have a wedding, and get over the death of my grandmother. The last of which seems impossible, I see her everywhere, have to remind myself I can't pick up the phone and call her, or just stop by.

So I'll just keep on typing, keep having an affair with this flirty lover I call writing. He's pretty hot stuff.

Jealous?

You shouldn't be, writing is a whore, he isn't at all loyal. I see people talking about him all the time, but I can't complain. I'd choose writing as a lover over a living and breathing man any day!!!

(DISCLOSURE: I in no way would ever EVER cheat on my honey with writing, even if writing has the nicest ass in the room hands down. I'm the loyal sort of girl. Not to be swayed by simple temptations!!!)

New Lilith Book Trailer/Meet the Characters of Lilith

Since I feel oh so inspired I thought I'd take some of that lovely creative energy and pour it into the new book. Lilith was written three years ago after I took my first little break from The Wild Hunt. The idea was to stretch my creative muscles and take a step back from the daunting task that was writing The Wild Hunt.

Lilith is about half the size of The Wild Hunt, and twice the size it was supposed to be. Like any project I take on it grew. The good part is that the story that came from it is really great, and I don't say that often about my own work. I wouldn't even say that about The Wild Hunt. TWH is more large and crazy than great. It was a vast undertaking of exponential proportions, a big bad bitch so to speak.

Lilith wasn't like that. Lilith was one of those stories I fell into and loved writing. It was exciting in a different way from TWH, which was probably what I needed. It's also a young adult. The only thing about writing Lilith that was hard was taking out the language, something I didn't have to worry about in TWH.

Long story short...above is the trailer. I think I'm getting better at making those too. I have a feeling Lilith will be a lot more popular that TWH because of its length, genre, and overall appeal. TWH is still my passion, but its a passion that is a lot of work. Lilith is just fun.



Patience (Pacey) O'Brien



  1. Name: Pacey O'Brien
  2. Age: 17
  3. Hair: Auburn/reddish brown
  4. Eyes: Purple/gray depending on her mood.
  5. Build: Peitite
  6. Height: 5'2
  7. Personality: Quiet, considerate, smart, sassy, short-tempered
  8. Likes: Dean, doing the right thing, family, truth.
  9. Dislikes: Lilith, liars, mean people, games.
10. Music: Rock, classic rock.
11. Movies: Anything horror.
12. Actress whom my character resembles:
13. Clothes: Skinny jeans, chucks, bracelets, band tee.
14. Job: Unemployed. Highschool student
15. Song: "Heavy in your arms"---Florence + The Machine






                                Dean Charleston

 

 

 

  1. Name: Dean Charleston

  2. Age: 18

  3. Hair: Brown

  4. Eyes: Deep blue/green

  5. Build: Muscular/athletic

  6. Height: 6'1

  7. Personality: Ultimate Boy Scout, curteous, mannered, a little haunted.

  8. Likes: Pacey, beauty, taking care of people, being needed, puzzles.

  9. Dislikes: Ugly behavior, anyone threatening those he loves.

10. Music: Rock

11. Movies: Action, horror, comedy

12. Actor whom my character resembles:

13. Clothes: Jeans, t-shirt, boots.

14. Job: Unemployed

15. Song: "Chalk Outline"---Three Days Grace

 

 

 



Character Profiles: Nikki Reynolds and Travis Kennedy

Nikolette Reynolds

1. Name: Nikki Reynolds
2. Age: 23
3. Hair: Short blond bob
4. Eyes: Brown
5. Build: Thin/Petite
6. Height: 5'2'
7. Personality: Sweet natured, a little naive, tough when needed.
8. Likes: Gossip, parties, fun, Travis
9. Dislikes: Conflict, problems, drama.
10. Music: Country Taylor Swift, Colbie Calliat rock.
11. Movies: 80's films
12. Actress whom my character resembles: Carey Mulligan
13. Clothes: Jeans, cute top, skirts on occasion.
14. Job: Waitress at Lyles, Clerk at Wicks, Sticks, & Tricks
15. Song: "I've Got This Friend" The Civil Wars

 

"I've Got This Friend" by The Civil Wars

Nikki's Words

 

 

“Nothing at all.” I said.

“Huh, that’s weird.” She said.

“Why is that weird?”

“The Lo I know wouldn’t just take some guy home and not do anything at all with him. It’s just too normal too rated G.”

I snorted, great, even my closest friend thought I was a whore.

“Thanks.” I said.

“No I just mean have you ever done that before, ever?” Nikki said.

“No.”

“See that says something, it’s your lack of not doing anything that makes me think something’s up. Usually you’d get what you want, and be done with him. You wouldn’t take care of him, and you sure as hell wouldn’t take him home with you.” Nikki said.

 

 

I smiled and held up the diary for Nikki to see.

“What’s that?”

“A journal from work.” I said. A devious grin tugged at my face.

“How’d you get it?”

I laughed. “It dropped out of the sky.”

“Did you steal it?” Nikki said.

“No.” I said.

“Then how’d you get it?” She said again.

“I told you, it dropped out of the sky.”

“Holy shit, you’ve finally lost it, I knew when you told me about those dreams you’d lost it. I can’t believe you stole from your new boss.”

I sighed. “Nikki.”

“No you can’t talk me out of it. The crazy always believe they are sane. It’s for your own good. You don’t want to end up wearing pajamas and bunny slippers every day and feeding all the local cats do you?” She said.

“Nikki I swear to God, I’m not turning into Old Lady Mercer.” I said.

Nikki snorted. “That’s what Old Lady Mercer says, before she goes bat-shit and starts throwing her garbage at the kids who walk by her house.”

“She’s a kleptomaniac. I just borrowed this.” I said.



Travis Kennedy

1. Name: Travis Kennedy
2. Age: 26
3. Hair: Blond
4. Eyes: Green
5. Build: Athletic
6. Height: 6'1'
7. Personality: Friendly, out-going, joker.
8. Likes: Beer and pizza, parties, playing on the lake.
9. Dislikes: Arrogance, drama.
10. Music: 90's rock, Nirvana, Sublime, Bob Marley
11. Movies: Comedy, Billy Madison, Happy Gilmore, American Pie, Hallpass, Hangover.
12. Actor whom my character resembles: Drew Van Acker
13. Clothes: Shorts, flip flops, tees. Laid back.
14. Job: Artist at Custom E Bikes.
15. Song: "Lithium" Nirvana

"Lithium" by Nirvana

 

 



Travis's Words

 



“Hi I’m Travis, you must be Lorelei.” He stuck out his hand and grasped mine. I felt a tingle of warmth move through my skin. He was like a warm blanket, his eyes and manner put you at ease. If I were a more open person, I would have told him my life story right there and then.

 

 

“Getting along well I see.” Travis’s voice was amused.

“Oh yea fantastically, why’d you bring him anyway?” I crossed my arms over my chest.

“Um…Nikki suggested it, but I’ll remember not to next time.” The smile had fallen from his face and I loosened my posture guiltily.

“Sorry, I just, he bugs me you know.” I said.

Travis’s smile returned.

“You have no idea. All I’ve listened to lately is Lo this, and Lo that. He won’t shut up about you. It’s pretty funny; I’ve never seen him this messed up over a girl.”

I bit my cheek to keep from smiling. Yes, Duncan annoyed me, because I didn’t know what to do with him, and he had this irritating way of breaking me down that drove me crazy.

“I find that hard to believe.” I said.

Travis shrugged and carried the tray of steaks towards the back door.

“You don’t have to but it’s the truth, there are plenty of girls in Concord that would kill to be you.” Travis stated.

 

 

 

 

Scent Hound

I took a break from The Otherside, because its so damn intimidating. I don't know how to pump out a second book that's just as detailed as the first one in a quarter of the time. Lets hope that starting a new project inspires me.

Scent Hound is a novella/novel (I'm not yet sure which it will be) that is based in the same world as The Wild Hunt, but focuses on a different protagonist. Arley Dufrey. She is a private investigator with a nose for trouble. Her specialty is being able to smell emotions, lies, secrets, everything about you down to your hand soap. The books will intertwine at some point in The Otherside, when Lo goes to Alabama to help release the earth bound spirits of dead soldiers.


So far I have about 10,000 words which is a pretty great start. I think I'll post a tiny snippet just to give you a taste.

 

Prologue

 

Second Scents

 

 

Few things in this world turn my stomach the way a large city does. The undertones of fried food and urine are the perfect pairing to the overwhelming scent of garbage and body odor. My fragile nose hates cities, but my job requires my presence. No one in the sticks hires private investigators. There are no paranoid rich wives, or jealous rich husbands, not to mention the absolute absence of corporate espionage.

I’m what you call a scent hound. My ability makes it possible for me to smell not only the garbage in the dumpsters, but the place that serves fried chicken a mile away. My biggest advantage in this business is that I can actually smell your secrets. Every emotion gives of a certain smell. Only gifted people, or creatures I should say, are capable of distinguishing the subtle differences. Just like perfume can smell differently on people so too can a particular feeling.

Envy for instance, is a pungent odor so sour it’s almost dripping with lemon. It is almost identical to hate. I am one of a few people that can tell the difference. I’m sort of a connoisseur of scent. I can smell your lies, your fears, and your deepest and darkest desires. If you have something to hide, I’m your worst nightmare. I’m a living and breathing, walking lie detector, and I can smell you down to the type of soap you use, your morning ritual to the last time you took a hand and stroked your favorite body part. Everything leaves behind a scent…Everything.