Christmas is different every year. Some years, I plan out my course of action. I have the kiddies make lists. I layaway items in October/November so that a chunk of my shopping is taken care of, and paid off in a general make my life easier mindset.
In past years I did none of these things. I waited until after Thanksgiving, and then, suddenly, as if spontaneously flying by, not unlike a dip in an Otherside river, December 1st is here and I had nothing done.
Luckily, this year, I planned ahead. And a good thing at that.
This is my rant.
I didn't pay our Direct T.V. bill.
Let me be more specific...two months ago.
Not because I'm an asshole, though admittedly I am, so is everyone. I didn't pay it because they signed us up for NFL ticket, another year of services I didn't want etc. We canceled our services, and left the rest to be...interpreted. We didn't receive a bill, we received calls. Dozens of them. Everyday for weeks. We told them, we wouldn't pay for services we didn't sign up for. We were done. Send us the boxes, bills, and so on.
They sent the boxes a week ago.
It is December 13th.
Right before Thanksgiving my father went into a Home for patients with Dementia/Alzheimers. It has been a shitty couple of weeks. He is not adjusting well. Wants to come home. Blames my brother...starts riots...gets agitated...hates life.
I hate it too sometimes...especially when my dad is so upset and all I want is for him to be safe, well fed, healthy, happy, and no longer lonely.
My dad used to live in the mountains. In a large house on five acres close to Yosemite. It was a beautiful house, and then his memory started slipping. It hurt to watch. To see him disappear a little at a time. He has Vascualar Dementia, which means it moves faster than normal Alzheimers. It's like a forest fire. We breath, and a little more burns away.
He can't read anymore...and I'm a writer. My father never got to sit down and read my stories. This breaks my heart. He always believed in my writing...even when I didn't know I was a writer.
Needless to say...with my dad's declining health, the holidays, just life in fucking general we didn't send the fucking Direct T.V. shit back.
Oh to have that moment when I didn't send it back.
Today, unbeknownst and without my approval, knowledge or okay, Direct T.V. debited my account. An account they were told not to debit months ago, when we stopped automatic payment. I am a moron.
My account is 475 dollars less today.
I called my bank.
They couldn't stop it.
The world can be major assholes at times. This is one of them. My kids Christmas just got raped. I feel violated. Angry. Sad and mean. I want to rip out spines. I want to breathe fire and burn buildings. Mostly I want for people to do what's right, when we live in a world full of wrong.
Fuck you Direct T.V.
Fuck you for your bullshit fee's, contracts and automatic payments. Fuck you for taking money, that may or may not belong to you on the eve of freaking Christmas.
FUCK YOU.
In the long run, that money is never coming back. I could hear it in the poor bank woman's voice. I am screwed. But, there is a lovely silver lining. That 475 dollars will not break me. I can rise above. We are lucky. We have enough. Even if my kids get nothing else, they are okay. God will provide.
Now to the better part. I owe Direct T.V. nothing now. I changed my bank account information, and I get to tell people how much they suck.
Mostly, I feel sad. Not for me who is out five hundred bucks...but for the family that isn't as well off as mine, that got roped into Direct T.V.'s gimic and is now fucked in a way that I am not. They won't get presents this year, while my spoiled brats will. They may not have electricity or heat. They may not have a nice new car in the driveway or a beautiful Victorian roof over their head. I am an asshole in this instance. There are people out there with real legitimate problems. Going hungry, going without, the real people in need.
So I want to give back somehow. I want to walk into Kmart and pay off some stranger's layaway. I want to give the bum in the rain a shiny crisp hundred dollar bill. Because he needs it more than I do.
That's the whole point of this season anyway...to give back. To celebrate Jesus in all his glory. Sure he'd see the injustice of my situation but he also teaches to turn the other cheek. I usually try to avoid a whole lot of religious beliefs in my posts. I don't like to alienate anyone. Though I believe in God, and Jesus Christ my heart does not allow me to believe in a God that thinks my religion is better than yours.
I refuse to live in that world.
Merry Christmas...and if you feel the need to give back, give to someone who really needs it this season.
